I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
