Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
