it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
