I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
