Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
