bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
