Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
