Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
