There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
