so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
