I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
