the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This baby is an asshole
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
