If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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