You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
