i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
