Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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