Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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