I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
