you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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