I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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