So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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