I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
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