You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
