Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
True college students do jello shots in the library
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
