I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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