he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
