So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
