I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
