cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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