This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Congratulations! We have a period
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
