i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I could make wine with my vomit
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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