I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
