Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
