My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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