bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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