i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
