Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
