It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
