I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
