Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
