he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
false alarm, still single
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
