Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
