yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
please come you make the beer taste better
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
