i think my tv is drunk
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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