I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
