im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i believe in u and ur pee
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
