Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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