Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
