yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
