Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
