fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
