She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
