Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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