even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
