not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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